Have you ever thought about asking questions instead of giving directives?
Here are 5 good reasons to ask questions:
1. It helps the child think. When we tell them what to do, our child does not have to think and more often than not will tune us out. But when you ask questions, your child has to do something very important…THINK! Stop reading for a moment and imagine yourself being a child and your parent (I know this sounds weird but do it anyway!) barks at you to “put your clothes away.” What do you feel like doing or saying? Now imagine your parents asking in a friendly tone of voice, “Where do your clothes belong?” Now how do you feel and what do you feel like doing?
2. It helps them to problem solve. For example, if your child spills the milk and you say, “Clean that mess up,” your child doesn’t have to learn how to solve the problem….you do! So instead you could ask, “What do you think you could do about the spilt milk?” Or you could ask, “How would you do that differently next time so the milk doesn’t spill?”
3. They are learning good judgment. If your child answers, “We can let the dog lick up the milk!” You can say, “That’s an idea! How will the germs get off the floor?” Now she is learning sound judgment and the ability to think through situations.
4. Your child learns cooperation. There is a cooperative dynamic that occurs when you ask questions. When you give a directive, children don’t feel like cooperating.
5. Your child learns to take initiative. When you make a demand, you are having to take initiative. When you ask a question, your child does.
Following are some examples of orders parents usually give and great questions to ask instead:
| Set the Table. | What could you do to be helpful to get ready for dinner? |
| Do your chores. | How long do you think it will take to get your chores done? |
| Stop your game now! | How many minutes do you need to finish? |
| You can’t leave before your room is clean. | What needs to happen before you leave? |
| Hurry up! | How much time do you have before we need to leave? |
| Put your coat away. | Where does your coat belong? |
| Give that back to your sister! | How can you work this out so you’re both happy? |
| Don’t eat that candy. | What do you think might be a healthier choice? |
| Here, put a bandaid on. | What can you do to make that scratch feel better? |
| No, you can not go outside to play. | What do you think needs to happen before I say yes? |
